Please indulge me as I write the most sentimental and self-involved post to date because yesterday – June 21, 2015- I married my long term partner and best friend, D. Although we technically started dating during the first month of university, the reality is that we’re pretty close to being high school sweethearts and we’ve seen each other through many of life’s major events. Yesterday, we committed to spending the rest of our lives together with the promise that we would see it all through.
I’ve always been a person that makes quick decision whereas D is more considered but we both knew from the very beginning that what we have is something special. We understood intuitively that we’d be in it for the long haul and within three months of “going steady,” D met most of my extended family, attended a wedding as my plus one, and supported me during a family tragedy. He was unwavering in his support and generous with his love and has remained that way.
Over the past decade we’ve experienced a lot together: we’ve graduated from university and built our careers, relocated cities, bought a home, and adopted two dogs. We’ve been committed to one another but marriage had never weighed heavily on either of our minds. In fact, I used to tell most people I wasn’t the marrying type. While we stood proudly with full hearts as our friends got married, we never saw ourselves in their places despite frequent campaigning from our friends and families. My dad was particularly relentless in this pursuit because he loved D very much but still, we were unmoved.
That changed after my dad got sick.
After we received the prognosis following my dad’s surgery, everything was in a state of flux, with my relationships being the only thing that remained constant. It confirmed to me how much I needed my friends and family, and it also showed me how much I wanted to get married. I wanted to get married because I wanted to give something to my dad, in hopes that it would bolster our spirits. I wanted to get married because I wanted to do something positive in my life as a counter balance to sadness. I wanted to get married because I was in love and for the first time ever, I wanted to share it in a more tangible way.
My dad’s illness and subsequent death didn’t change my perspective on relationships because I firmly believe that love is love and whether you choose to get married or not, that decision is entirely up to you. You do not owe anything to anyone. Weddings don’t define you as a couple but if you feel like having a celebration to mark your love that’s great; if not, that’s also great. What I’m saying, in this rather inarticulate manner is that as long as you have love, whatever follows is yours to decide.
Our journey to the altar wasn’t smooth, and I will probably share more details in subsequent posts but for now, I’m content to bask in yesterday’s happiness where together with our immediate families and closest friends, D and I celebrated our relationship in the most public way we ever have, choosing Father’s Day as a way to honour my dad, who couldn’t be there with us but was present in his own way. The day was quiet, intimate, and perfect.