Saying Goodbye

Thanksgiving is a two week affair in my household and celebrations extend past Thanksgiving Monday into the next weekend, when we go up north with D’s family to cottage country. We’ve been participating in this annual tradition for as long as I can remember and it’s a time we look forward to as a family. There’s something for everyone including our Saturday morning hike, wine and cheese party, countless rounds of euchre and board games in the evening. The kids have a great time, running around and playing.

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This year, our weekend took an unexpected turn.

On Saturday evening we learned that the resort we go to, and have been going to all this time, is now up for sale meaning that this year would, in all likelihood, be our last year – at least in this current manifestation. Shortly after receiving that information, we received much more upsetting news: the loss of someone in the family. Even though the possibility of these two things was always there, none of us were adequately prepared for these changes to occur so suddenly. We were shocked.

As I’ve said many times before, grief is not singular and of course hearing this news of loss reopened my not-so-old wounds and memories of my dad came flooding back. It was tough, being surrounded by my extended family and sharing in their grief while also reliving my own but consciously trying not to make any of it about me. Selfishly I wanted to wallow over how hard things have been on D and I this year but it was neither the time nor the place, so instead I was the one to offer support and I’m glad I was able to help. I didn’t do much but I listened, I was there, and I was present. I was present when we recounted stories and laughed. I was present when the sadness was too much and we were quiet. I was present because I wanted to be there to help my family and also to bear witness to this important moment in our shared history.

So I guess that’s where I am now, as evidenced by these recent events, my grief is still present but it’s also contained enough that I’m able to help others and for that I’m grateful. And because I’m feeling sentimental and still have Thanksgiving on the mind, I’d like to take a moment and say that even though it may be a little late, I’m thankful for you: anyone that’s read and liked a post, shared a comment, or just stopped by. You’re incredible and I’m lucky to have met you, even if it’s just online. I think a large part of my healing has been a result of this blog – being able to stop and sort out my feelings, documenting the highs and lows, and slowly building a community – and for that I’m thankful.

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In light of this weekend’s outcomes, I’ve decided to start journaling, something I have been thinking about for awhile. It will take place outside of this blog and I won’t likely share it online as I think it’s important to maintain some sort of privacy but I will check in periodically to let you know how the process is going. If I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that life changes quickly and for me, it’s important to remind yourself of all that you’ve experienced – for better or for worse. If you decide to get into journaling and feel like sharing, please do, I’d love to see it!

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Heading home
Heading home
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