Space

This month is going to be a weird month; I’m going to be trying a lot of things, some of which will be unusual and out of the ordinary for this blog, others which will be unusual and out of the ordinary for me. But as part of the course I’m taking as well as a self issued challenge, I’m going to experiment and see where things take me. It’s probably the least planned and least strategic thing I’ve done but sometimes you just have to learn to go with things. Anyway, since Annette took care of the physical component of our Wellness Wednesday posts, I’m taking a stab at discussing emotional well being. If it’s too weird for you, I’m sorry… but can you imagine what it’s like for me? So away we go.

space

I’ve been thinking a lot about the subject of space lately, not in the sense of outer space but rather the physical space that each of us occupies or conversely the space that surrounds us. I’ve been thinking about it because since my recent return to yoga, I’ve been reminded of the importance of grounding yourself, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed or out of sorts, of using small physical cues to remind yourself of where you are, allowing you to be more present in your own space. To take deep inhalations and remind yourself of your breath and the fact that you breathe, to root your feet into the ground and feel the connection you have with this earth, all of it serving as an indicator of your own body and the space that you own. From this practice of grounding and claiming space to call my own, I’ve found my mind wandering around this subject.

But why am I sharing this?

Well for one, as part of my writing course I was told to write a post based on one word of inspiration and so this is technically part of my homework. And while I could have chosen nearly anything else (I had tinkered with the words “possibility” “potential” and “confidence,” you’ll see why later, I’m quite heavy handed) I decided on space because it inspires me with all its potential for complexity. Space can be big and vast, as in outer space. Space can also be small and contained, as in your physical state; it can be tangible, as in the four walls that make up the room you’re currently sitting in or abstract and ephemeral. So that’s one reason I’m writing about space. I find it interesting.

The other reason I’m writing about space is that I’ve been thinking about my own space and how I want to define it. What do I mean by that? A lot of changes have taken place this year, most notably the loss of my dad and the confrontation of my grief and understanding of life and mortality but also things such as getting married, going back to school, and hey even just starting this blog or in other words, life. Life has happened. Through all of these experiences I feel as if I’ve become a different person and I need the space – whether physical or psychology or spiritual – to catch up and change in order to better reflect my reality. I don’t know if I’m explaining it properly but basically everything feels different now including the space around me and something needs to change. I think I’ve outgrown my space, or if I haven’t outgrown it then I’ve at least changed shape.

I feel grounded in my body and sure of the space it holds, and though it may fail me one day, for the time being I know that I’m here. I feel grounded in my relationships and the people I have in my life, they’re the ones that have kept me going. But outside of my own body and interpersonal relationships, everything else feels like it could change, or rather that it should change. The conceptual idea of space has given me a chance to dream and to hope, as well as the  feeling of possibility and my physical space has given me the confidence to try and discover what I want. It could be a subtle tweak or an all encompassing transformation – I don’t know – but something needs to happen and the best thing is that for the first time in a long time, I don’t feel scared.

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